C.H.U.D.

C.H.U.D. (1984)  80 min  Rated R

C.H.U.D. is a 1984 American horror film produced by Andrew Bonime, and directed by Douglas Cheek with Peter Stein as the director of photography and William Bilowit as production designer. The cast includes Daniel Stern and John Heard and features an early appearance by John Goodman as a police officer. It was followed in 1989 by C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.

C.H.U.D. is an acronym for “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller”. However, the alternate acronym “Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal” was mentioned in the film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087015/?ref_=nv_sr_1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C.H.U.D.

Opener: Oh sweet….Free Ground Geiger…what…yeah this Geiger Counter is free.. Just like when you find a burger on the street. Ground stuff is always free. Except, dog crap….that’s not yours…that’s for the hobo’s. They need it to smear all over their bodies for their street tans. No…that’s not sun exposure…that’s dog crap. That’s why they smell so bad. CHUD

Twitter: C.H.U.D. – I can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod…

Stuff I Loved:

Longest walk ever

I like playing phone games.

Ass pimples. No better way to introduce the sexy lead lady

“Hi Derrick…I totally wasn’t avoiding you.”

Angry photographers are always getting the police called on them…cause they always end their phone calls with “I’m shooting so and so”

That is one nasty street.

Pixie hair of the 80s

Cheap props…Cardboard boxes. You are welcome.

I don’t want to bore you with Crime Statistics…buuuuut…. Kirby doesn’t like to make toys. He’s DEAD!

Why is Bosch looking directly into the camera when talking on the phone….red phone at that.

Audio abruption is horrible.

That bag lady has a dirt tan.

Posing “noood”

They know what’s in it..they can smell it.

Angriest photographer ever. Such morals.

There are a lot of bad phone machine jokes in this movie

Hello, this is Derrick. I can’t get no respect.

What has he been doing? Cleaning chimneys with Mary Poppins?

It’s the wet bandits.

They have the power to shut the sky?

Where did he get a knife like that? I always think of Croc-o-dile Dundee when there is knife discussion in a movie

Bandages…nobody ever wants stinking bandages.

can’t be held responsible for everything that shows up in the sewer….wink wink…nod nod.

You have a gun but no bandages. What kind of person are you?

You afraid of heights? No…I’m afraid of widths and dirty ole bag ladies.

Holy crap…you don’t need bandages…you need superglue

Buck Dancer’s Choice? I don’t get it either.

Ooooh…that was your wife Bosch. I thought she was a street walker. With a dog…yeah…guess it seems odd now.

They’re undergrounders

Information exchange is key in this movie

Oh look. Free Ground Geiger. Free as a Ground Burger…if it’s on the ground…it’s free.

I’m pregnant.

That kid in the phonebooth….No love loss there.

hahaha….The kid is hysterical…Someone did not read the script…

I want every outhouse…shithouse…

I went to this man’s soup kitchen last night…oh Bosch….I didn’t know things were that bad. we’ll get you a raise.

I only wear nude colored clothes…so it looks like I am always nude.

Everybody goes by their last names in this movie

You must be a pretty important fella…fella.

CHUD…the sound your shower drain makes when it clogs up.

Splatter drain!! Blood everywhere….Nah…I’m cool…just busted a main artery in the drain line.

Pump the gas!!

 

Terminator 2

Terminator 2: Judgment Day  (1991)  137 min  Rated R

Terminator 2: Judgment Day is a 1991 American science fiction action film, the second installment of the Terminator franchise and the sequel to The Terminator (1984). Directed by James Cameron and written by Cameron and William Wisher, Jr., it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick, and Edward Furlong. Terminator 2 follows Sarah Connor (Hamilton) and her ten-year-old son John (Furlong) as they are pursued by a new, more advanced Terminator, the liquid metal, shapeshifting T-1000 (Patrick), sent back in time to 1995 to kill John and prevent him from becoming the leader of the human Resistance against the machines. An older, less advanced Terminator (Schwarzenegger) is also sent back in time to protect John.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminator_2:_Judgment_Day

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103064/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Opener: And that’s when that stupid kid and his muscle bound robot cuffed me face down on the floor in front of a urinal. Could have chained me to a sink. But nooo…..face down right into the pee pee. Washed my face for 3 hours straight. also, the kid kept calling some dude his mom.

Twitter: Terminator 2 – Unlike the Harry Housen’esq look of the original terminator this 2nd in the series has a sleek polished turd “on the floor next to the toilet” quality to it. ooooh I almost step in that.

about 2 hours in I wanted to self terminate but I can not! push the button. The more you Learn….

I can not self terminate…if you know what I mean…help a robot out.

Stuff I Loved:

1997

Machines have airplanes….drat!! How we suppose to win.

Machines got no ethics…they will try to kill ladies….and kids..whatever it takes!!

Time traveling naked. Probably not a good idea

With all that processing power…the best the future bots can do is…time travel. Program Error!!

It must really be noisy in a terminators head…all those computer computations sounds.

You look about like my size. No he isn’t!

Still don’t understand why clothes can’t time travel.

Man the foster parents were treated like crap.

Sara Conners kind of has a mental hospital fort built in her room.

A boy and his robot. John Connor is annoying.

Pepsi…played by coke.

Nah…a big guy on a bike…that is totally normal…did you give he a picture of your foster child as well? Also, foster care parents of the year.

is there a “bucks” button on ATMs from the early 90s.

Hey, why do you have movie still from Terminator 1 as the only pic of your mom.

Mullets and arcades…early 90s man. what an interesting time.

How did Arnold buy that box of roses to hide his gun in.

You got to remember when we first saw T2…we weren’t sure if Arnold was still the bad guy…

I can actually believe Robot Patrick could run 50 mph

I can drive a semi like a robot patrick

Something about flat faces semis that are super scary to be chased by.

vehicles of the 90s had great suspensions….kind of explody…but great suspensions.

The orderlies in insane asylums are always crazier than the patients. Mind if I taste your face…slurp.

The best parts about Terminator movies is the terminators just keep coming. Robots never tire…same for BSG….

A learning computer….

A boy and his brobot

All I caught was Tequilla. He’s alright by me.

That kid that Arnold picked up by the scruff was pretty good sport about being picked up by the scruff.

The best car I got is the suck.

Why do you cry? I mean…me and the other robots sit around trying to figure that shit out.

When a robot gives you a 5…better buck up.

The terminator was going to be a good dad.

Public Enemy Shirt!!

Dyson!…If we can can destroy the vacuum man then we can prevent the war.

OMG…this kid is annoying

Just about all the parents in this movie suck.

Poor old Gibbens facedown in the bathroom at a stall.

Yo. I got this…I have a programmable card….we can watch some free porn after this.

Who needs a plan when you can walk through walls.

Miles has a great death scene

The number of dumbfounded people in this movie is ridiculous.

If you are the hero. Just go ahead and let someone else drive from the start. Instead of the whole “Here….take the wheel crap.”

 Who are you yelling at? Get the hell out of here…you are up 3 stories in a crane operators booth.

Dangit….hot lava!! Do you know how many times I have lost at robot wars because of hot lava.

Slowly getting beat to death by an i-beam. gotta smart.

Nobody reloads a gun as it was intended in this movie.

All evil can be vanquished in the fires of mordor..

I can not self terminate…if you know what I mean…help a robot out.

Silver Bullet

Silver Bullet (1985) (95 min – Rated: R)

Silver Bullet is a 1985 horror film based on the Stephen King novella Cycle of the Werewolf. It stars Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Megan Follows, Corey Haim, Terry O’Quinn, Lawrence Tierney, Bill Smitrovich, Kent Broadhurst, David Hart, and James Gammon. The film is directed by Dan Attias and produced by Dino De Laurentiis.

Opener: Hey sis. You’ll never believe what I built the kid. Yeah…well what’s the worst that could happen with a gas powered wheelchair. Oh yeah. I forgot about the gas powered tricycle. he was  all like. eeeee…hehehe….eeeeeeeeeee. Bam! Holy pumped up palamino I’m drunk.

Twitter:  Silver Bullet –  Like a gas powered wheelchair given to you by your drunk uncle. it may be a bad idea…but who cares…gas powered.

 

Stuff I Loved:

A lot of drama in a small town.

“It ain’t my baby!” Where is Montel when you need him.

Stop taking his side just cause he is crippled.

I will slap you.

Uncle Red is getting another divorce…and is a chronic drunk.

Oh sure. You guys just go ahead. I’ll be up the ramp in a few minutes. No…I got it.

That is one strong room lamp.

They are getting a lot of mileage out of that moon shot.

Plate of Pink Pills Please.

That’s one.

Don’t worry. Suicide go to hell. But Wolf meat goes to

Radium in the ass and who would search for it with a geiger counter.

That town wears a lot of brown.

Don’t let me take out the PeaceMaker.

Motor Wheels.

Hey…What’s the worst that could happen…he’s already in a wheelchair. Why not give him one with a gas engine.

I been hearing noises out in the wood shed

Electrocute all the cripples to balance the budget. I think you got a winning campaign there.

Best Uncle ever. Bottle of booze. Poker and Bar Jokes

Read ‘em and ‘weeeeepp-puh.

Who is going to get Corey at the top of the stairs. I am honestly worried about him. Will he be the Chic in the bucket.

Wrestling!

How do you get one of those nasty sweaty 5’oclock shadows

Hence forth…All town meetings will take place in the local bar. Monitored over by booze and the peacemaker.

I don’t think I ever seen a werewolf hide under a greenhouse.

Good ole Uncle Red and his booze.

Psychos are more active during a full moon.

That fat crapbag beside you.

Andy has a lot of one liners.

You have a polaroid of your torn to pieces son?

i ain’t confined to a wheelchair.

awww…do you remember late night cruises in your gas powered wheel chair. man that brings back memories. WEREWOLF!

Wonder where uncle red bought those fireworks.

Bet werewolfers can’t keep up with my wheelchair!

Obscene phone call. Haven’t gotten those since caller id.

Where did she steal that shopping cart?

Would you like to come to the parlor? Hell no!

Ransom Note! Here is a letter. Why don’t you kill yourself. Well duh…we already established that suicides go to hell.

Apparently, werewolves do not have healing powers

Holy Jumped Up Jesus Palamena

A lot of smartasses in this movie

Hardy Boys Meet Reverend WereWolf

Mission Impossible

Mission Impossible (1996) (110 min – Rated: PG-13)

Mission: Impossible (also known in the Blu-ray release as M:I) is a 1996 American spy film directed by Brian De Palma and starring Tom Cruise. Based on the television series of the same name, the plot follows a new agent, Ethan Hunt and his mission to uncover the mole who has framed him for the murders of his entire IMF team. Work on the script had begun early with filmmaker Sydney Pollack on board, before De Palma, Steven Zaillian, David Koepp, and Robert Towne were brought in. Mission: Impossible went into pre-production without a shooting script. De Palma came up with some action sequences, but Koepp and Towne were dissatisfied with the story that led up to those events.

Opener: Oh man. I got some serious lasagna breath going on here and I still have that really hard mission to accomplish where I have to talk to a bunch of high falootin senators at that dinner party. Let’s see what I have in my pockets. Oh good. hmm… Where did I get gum. oh well… nom nom nom. oh that guy look like a fat deniro.

Twitter:  Mission Impossible –  like a Kristin Scott Thomas ventiliquist show. You can totally see the directors lips moving while watching this movie.

 

Stuff I Loved:

Fat Deniro

Cinema Of The Ukraine.

Voice of Andorian in Enterprise…Kitrick

This tape will self destruct. How old is this movie? Should that CD Self Destruct

I’m telling ya. Emilio Estavez. He is not credited.

Coffee jokes.

You could fit a VHS camera in those glasses.

John Voight. Not since Anaconda.

Is that Netscape

Austa Lasagna Don’t get any on ya.

Would not want bomb gum. I would totally forget. Mmmm….Fruit Stripe!

Best Elevator Death scene.

Watching Emilio Estevez hack with his laptop encouraged me to buy my first laptop.

Man. Hard drives used to be really loud.

She would make a terrible ventriliquist.

A really cool cutout video

A knocked over chair. There must have been a struggle.

very film noir in some of these shots

Somebody hates your team Ethan.

No public phones now a days. What do you do about that? Cell Phones.

my name is The Max

Let’s meet in a fish aquarium cafe.

Tom Cruise run. He has it in his contract. every movie. I must have a run scene. Cause I run really fast…watch me!! Weeeeeee

Tom cruise in the bathroom looking for money is like me looking for money. Lots of throwing stuff around

Searching Usenet Groups. You ain’t gonna find nothing there cept porn and warez

OMG…that email format would never work. Job 3:14 is not a valid domain.

Jim is dead!! He’s dead Jim.

Claire and the sexy frisk down.

‘They are trained to be ghosts.” Like the new  movie

Disco Glasses with built in VHS camera

Cool. A list of Disavowed!

Vighn Raines.

John Voight must have had money….she is way too hot for him

That dude that used to play all the Russian roles.

Phenos Freak.

Thinking Machine Laptops. 386 Risc Chips. Oh boy.

No modem access to the main frame. dur.

Love voice over descriptions over video footage of what is actually happening Very commom in the heist films.

The Octagon

The Octagon (1980)  103 min Rated R

The Octagon is a 1980 action film starring Chuck Norris, Karen Carlson and Lee Van Cleef. It was directed by Eric Karson and written by Paul Aaron and Leigh Chapman. It was filmed in Los Angeles, California and released on August 14, 1980. It is notable for its inventive use of ‘voice over’ effects to portray the inner life of Chuck Norris’s character, Scott James. This was actor Richard Norton’s film debut.[2]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081259/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Octagon_(film)

Opener: Alright….I know as Ninjas…we aren’t suppose to talk to each other…buuuuut…Van Cleef is down there shooting a ninja in the back as we repel down. we need a better ninja escape plan. NINJA SMARTER!

Twitter: The Octagon – Like a good childhood Hog story shared with chuck norris….at first it amuses you…then you feel sad ….cause you remembered you ate him..and he was delicious

Stuff I Loved:

Does anyone know? How can they, at the beginning. There is no perspective

Clever title logo – the O in Octagon is AN OCTAGON

Time for a little drummer boy…that means the soldiers!

Uh oh…Tree Ninjas. the Irish vs Ninjas?

There ain’t no French Ninjas…they are too snooty.

Hey man…this ninja is eyeballing me.

“These new round of recruits you brought me are not asian!”

Hey look…it’s one of them haunted baby strollers…nope…they got the mini guns…pew pew pew.

Cut to Norris enjoying a show. Bomp Bomp…Bu-da…Bomp Bomp…

Pretty but not too pretty…just like Ibbott

A.J. did you call me a space cadet?

My pickup line. “I really enjoyed your performance.” Only Chuck norris could pick up a chic on that lame line.

If a girl tells you people tell her…shes a psychic…run…no…run faster

Margarita!

Salt keeps me from puking! Porcelain Worship…what a horrible first dinner date conversation.

There is someone here…haha…inner monologue…now tell me who is crazy.

This was back in the day…when you got stabbed…you died in a movie. Always. Today you have to do the gut move.

I guess that lady wasn’t too psychic. Did she see that knife to the gut?

OMG….NINJA! But they don’t exist anymore

For a minute I thought this movie was going to take a different turn. I thought Chuck had killed that ladies family because he had some kind of ninja flash back

Step forward…haha…sucka! Into the bitching pit.

Terrorists!

The coffee shop next to the gym.

2 hours in the sound booth with Chuck Norris whispering inner monologue

Have you hugged your rifle today?

Lee Van Cleef is wearing one of his wife’s earrings.

“So…I ran into some Ninjas last night.”

Look here Winston….go catch some ghosts.

Hey…popped collar…you are next.

Damsel in distress in a fur coat.

“Provided our bumpers match.” I was wrong…that was the worst pickup line.

Dumbass….let a lady take your car.

Wouldn’t it have been easier to just shoot him.

That bitch took my keys!

This is the Ninja weapons rundown montage.

Sai….Nunchucks…

Don’t you miss the days when Dobermans were the bad ass dogs

Would you like to come in….uh lady….I am already in.

LLoyd Liverpool was my Beetles Cover Band name

Dooble dee dooble dee…piano music for tense foot chases. add a moraca for flavor

If you got enough air to scream…you don’t enough air to breathe

mmm….pontiac firebird. Always wanted one.

Do you know what we do to dead people in our ninja drill. Kick your ass.

I’m a Ninja in a tree.Tree Ninja

“I have the most confident looking cheekbones.”

Neen-ja

“It makes me stupid…and you a whore.” What an ass.

They are using words that I don’t even know. Rock Heart?

French Ninja! Hey French ninja…say it in English…for the audience…cause I am Asian

Ninja throwing star to the neck!! This has all the best ninja weapons.

They turned my Dojo into a hoe down. wTH

Are you beedy…beedy beedy beedy.

Could Beedy be anymore creepy.

Yeah…give him a chance..let him sit…get your crotch display chair

Gold ole Frenchie.

What the hell does that mean…the constipated type?

I’m with Chuck’s brother…he was a cheater..he was all pushing and stuff.

Wow…it don’t take much to be rejected by your Ninja daddy.

See ya Ninjas….remember…we are watching.

Wow…I don’t feel like a ninja.

2nd week in a row we have seen a movie with a brown cargo van.

Did you just hiss at me?

Fur Mart Building…hehe..what the hell kind of name is that.

Don’t blow on the fur.

A lot of dead brothers.

Chuck Norris wanted to change the world

We have seen some bad ninjas in movies…are these the worst?

Ding Ding Ding…somebody knows how to heighten tension with a triangle.

Nnja Pillow fight!!

You attack Chuck Norris while he sleeps…cause you think he is at this weakest. You are wrong…he is never weak.

Ninja Escape Plan? Get shot in the back as you repel down the building. There is no Ninja Escape Plan.

heheh…forget it…I’ll loan you my shampoo…have you seen my hair

Hey..ole senior one arm is playing chess against the old man in UP

Hey….your truck aint’ got no windshield…or doors!

Everyone assumes Chuck Norris is sleeping with these ladies…but he is a virgin.

Your Hog story amuses me…now I am sad.

Sorry…I don’t have sex…it saps my Ninja Strength…oh what the hell. BOOBIES!

How you reckon you gonna sneak up on Ninja Camp. We are Ninja Camp!!

Awww….the classic…Just stay here in the car woman. Nope…

“Always feel like…Ninja’s watching me!.Invading my Privacy…hiyaa hiyaaa”

“They were Ninja fighting!! Those dudes were fast as…gah…throwing star in my neck! *collapse”

what advantage would it be to the ninjas attacking Norris in their camp to be ninja quite…see this is why the Ninja way is extinct.

What were those dudes doing in the dunkers that required zipping up.

“Don’t kill him!!” Like you could kill Chuck Norris

Chick in the bucket. An actually Octagon!

Expected him to demask the one hissing ninja and him to be a gila monster

You just knew that ninja was going to come back out on fire..

Finally, I didn’t think anyone was ever going to kill A.J.

I see your monkey claw style fighting….I give you…foot to the balls.

Is that Rudy! OMG I’m pretty sure that is Samwise

Wow…that was kind of anticlimactic.

Rollerball

RollerBall (1975) (125 min – Rated: R)

Rollerball is a 1975 dystopian science fiction film directed by Norman Jewison from a screenplay by William Harrison,[2] who adapted his own short story “Roller Ball Murder”, which first appeared in the September 1973 issue of Esquiremagazine.[3] Although it had an American cast, a Canadian director, and was released by the American company United Artists,[4] it was produced in London and Munich.[5][6]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollerball_(1975_film)

Opener:

ooooh….Houston we have a problem. Looks like moonpie just took it to the back of the head in turn 3. Domo Arigoto Mr. Roboto.  yes, may I please have another. Has anyone seen his mom cause I’m pretty sure he’s going to need a juicebox…for the rest of his life.  If you bet on red 22. You win! Brainwavez.

Twitter:  Rollerball –  This wasn’t meant to be a game! Narf. “Help!! Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off…she’s so short.” Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073631/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

 

Stuff I Loved:

  • You just taught me about a new font.
  • Oh. Fancy music (Phantom of the opery)

double n to n : Are we winning yet?

Look at that Camera Array. It’s everywhere.

Getting a Hockey/Football/Baseball/Roller Derby feel.

Very Vetted.

Those guys are some souped up motobikes.

Madrid vs Houston.

  • It’s good to see in the future that there is still male on male ass harassment in sports
  • Man look at that young James Caan
  • Check out my moustache and flyback hair.
  • Organ music is the future.
  • Controller test his computerized equipment.
  • All sports of the future are played on roller skates.
  • If you need a cannon to launch your game ball….well…maybe you need to rethink your sport.
  • He must hold the ball out in plain view at all times…well that is just bull frap.
  • Motocycles and big silver balls.

It’s good to see the ref is still blind in rollerball

  • Punch people in the face. Fishhooking. Crotch kicking sure. But if you punch a rider on a bike. That gets you the boos.

He shoots he scores! (go high on the end part.)

  • Nothing better than a shirtless rubdown while talking to the rich old whiteman owner.

“I feel mean”

  • Corporate wars. Now that is something I would watch!
  • the corporate wars….”they were nasty!”

man…only James Caan could make an awesome sport like rollerball sound like cricket. Less talk. More punchies.

Woo…Woo…Swoop…Woo

  • Speedball from Manilla.
  • Polyester Onsie!

I love me a Luxury Center. Get me a privilege card.

A lot of 70s cuties in this movie

  • Energy versions of books?

Wood paneling. So out of style. it’s in style.

  • One of them movie moments.
  • I am going to have to be a lot drunker to watch this movie

It’s all about the chest hair. I has it.

Tv’s of the future are not bigger. Just more plentiful.  

Holy crap. I want me some Daphne sunglasses. Those are hoooot.

Rollerball is international

A mess of nerves behind the ears.

Tokyo team is gonna use karate. Cowboy up Houston.

  • This movie is about rules. But there are no rules.
  • Dancing of the future is very reserved. Looks like we are vulcan dancing.

Did he say The Krunk-o-dile?

Let’s see that hit of the week again! Clothes line…Clothes line. What is the future equivalent of clothesline. Washing Machine!! Bam! Washing Machine.

This movie is more about the human experience than about a crazy sport of the future.

  • I want concessions.

Rich people hate trees. I mean like Laser gun hate.

Time to smack my corporate concubine.

Here…talk into my gameshow mic.

“Help!! My asian masseuse fell on me!! Get it off…Get it off.”

  • Hey…Japanese people are short. I get it now.
  • The Japanese anthem sounds like music from the shire. and other Tolkein crap.

These Japanese are creeping me out with their shogun stares. RONIN!

Hey John-na-thon…Don’t stand so close to number 9. It looks silly on TV. “69”

  • Pretty sure it is not a good idea to wear those big ole prescription glasses while playing a contact sport such as RollerBalls
  • Pretty sure you killed that dude you kicked off the motobike
  • How did your buddy die? Punch to the back of the head.
  • Alright…when you go down with your eyes open…does that mean you are dead…or just incapacitated?
  • A game with so much down time you can literally hangout in a corner with some buddies and form a gang to go attack a stray teammember on the other team.
  • Blooood…we want bloood.

Oh no…this turned into soccer. AKA Football for the rest of the world.

Fan in the rink!!

Hey ref….or ball shooter guy. How about stopping the game after you pepsi’s that one dude…you remember…like michael jackson in that pepsi commercial?

“Your teammate is brain dead. But we were unsure if that was how he was when he came in…or if this is a recent injury?”

Holy Crap. They knocked the brain waves out of moonpie

Negative – Computer voice says. Negative.

Don’t understand why Multi-View TV never caught on.

Bam! Erased. Now get out of my house!

and just in case you forget: no penalties and limited player substitutions

Fight Fight Fight!

We need a MASH unit up here!

It wasn’t meant to be a game? then why do I have this Houston Jersey and bobble head doll of Jame Caan!

  • Ahhh…sheet…this ain’t no game. It’s a murder.
  • Murder Ball!
  • Bartholemeul! Were you not entertained!

I feel dystoped

I need some music for my dystopian movie trope. Dystrope!

Bam. I am da man!